Thursday, June 29, 2006

Baby Jokes

SUPER BABY
A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Why, yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother, beaming.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father proudly answered.
The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts, doesn't it!?"

BABY FOOD
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why did you eat him?"

HEART
In a kindergarten class, the teacher asked the class to describe "heart".
The first girl raised her hand and stood up ad said "heart is red in color".
Teacher praised the girl.
Teacher: "Anyone else can give me another answer?".
Another girl raised her hand and got up and said "Heart pumps blood".
Teacher praised the girl.
Teacher: " One more answer? "
A little boy got up and said " heart has legs".
Amused and puzzled, the teacher ask the boy why he said heart has legs.
The boy said: "I was outside my daddy's room last night and heard my daddy said 'Sweet Heart, Open Your Legs ' You see, heart got legs!!

I RATHER HAVE A PUPPY
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex.
The little boy asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father says, "Making a puppy".
So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.
The little boy says "Daddy, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "Making a baby."
The little boy says "hmmmm, can you please flip Mommy around? I'd rather have a puppy instead!"

SEX EDUCATION
A Primary School teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the
class, "Does anyone know what this is?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"
And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to torture my mummy with."

DEAD GOLD FISH
Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, " andI've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it, Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."

THE WHOLE TRUTH
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy
to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says,
"Just don't tell your father. "
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his
way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

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